June, 1794-1795
“This day twenty five years since we were united in the marriage relation and how tender the feelings of this day – how softened my heart”
Appearing only twice in my (admittedly partial) exploration of Elizabeth’s diary, the mentions of her anniversary with her husband, Charles Phelps, certainly stand out in her meticulous accounts of guests at the house and weekly sermons. The absence of any other mentions of milestone anniversaries are certainly conspicuous when she writes so elegantly about her twenty-fifth.
On Sunday June 14, 1795 she records “This day twenty five years since we were united in the marriage relation and how tender the feelings of this day – how softened my heart.” Rarely do we get to hear of Elizabeth’s emotions in her writing, and seldom to this extent. She even expounds on these feelings, writing “Lord Jesus surely what comes from thee tends to thee again. Lord I live upon thee May I live to thee.” It can only be surmised what Elizabeth meant by this, but it seems as if there is a spirit of reciprocity and dependency evoked by her words. Her softened heart directly precedes “what comes from thee,” which might suggest that she is speaking about the extension of love and grace and her return of them. Grateful for her life, then, she might be offering it up in the second sentence. A devout Calvinist and always hoping to prove her status as one among the elect, “Lord I live upon thee” conveys a sense of reliance and faith.
This is not the only time that religion was invoked in relation to her anniversary. A year earlier, on June 8, 1794, Elizabeth records that “found Porter well & I hope we are thankful, twenty four years have been married. Lord we still depend on thee.” Though this entry is a bit more concise than the former, it still conveys a love for and contentment with her husband.
While Elizabeth’s entries offer important insight into the state of her relationship with Charles, their absence should be considered as well. In my partial reading of Elizabeth’s diary I would have come across other milestone anniversaries – the twentieth, the thirtieth – and yet I found no other mention of it besides these two entries. I did, however, come across an entry or two in which Elizabeth lamented how trying the past year had been, which might suggest that her heart was not always softened by Charles. On January 4, she wrote about the “heart rending sorrow” of last year without giving much mention to the causes of such sorrow. Anne Poubeau, who researched Elizabeth’s cheesemaking practice at the house, found hints of annoyance with Charles in her letters and diary entries, with Elizabeth often frustrated by his efforts to scale up the production of cheese without doing any of the hard work.
The absence of any other mentions of anniversaries should not necessarily come as a surprise, though. It should be noted here that our modern conception of a diary is distinct from that of Elizabeth’s time – rather than a vehicle for introspection, Elizabeth saw her work as a “memorandum book,” a catalog of the happenings at the house and in the area. One such event comes from the very same entry in which she recounted her anniversary. After mentioning the softness of her heart, she recounts a day spent at the house of her son (whom she refers to as “Lawyer Porter”) and then writes matter-of-factly, “Tuesday Mr. Bodwel of Hatfield killed by lightening [sic].”
Nevertheless, the appearance of Elizabeth’s anniversary in her writings came to me as a pleasant surprise. It further animated the lives and personalities of people whose words I have read but still struggled to imagine, allowing me to picture Elizabeth sitting down to write about her husband to whom she would be married for forty-four years.